December Starter Sentence
Contributed by Skip McLamb
Today, we discovered the secrete, of that old, black,
hooded, rain slicker hanging on Granny’s back door for the last ten years. My grandparents, Walt and Naomi, were married
in Sampson County, North Carolina in 1914.
They raised a large family.
Anytime Grand Dad Walt, we called him Pap, was asked about his offspring
he would proudly answer, “Naomi and I have eleven children, thirty grand
children, twenty eight great grand children, and two little bastards.” Granny would fuss at him every time he said
that.
Pap would always calmly tell her,
“Naomi, I am just telling the truth. You
know I love those little bastards just as much as the other children.”
After
their annual physical in 1973, four of the older children met with Granny and
Pap to explain that the doctors wanted them to stop using tobacco. Granny enjoyed a pinch or two of Sweet Peach
Snuff every day. Pap was seldom seen
without his Red Man chewing tobacco and his spit can. After much discussion, some of it heated, they
agreed to the tobacco ban. The children,
grandchildren and bastards immediately started making bets on who would cave in
first. Almost ten years later both were
still tobacco free.
Then,
Aunt Margaret saw it all. Aunt Margaret
moved in with my grandparents after her husband passed away in 1980. Her aim was to be their caretaker but, in
reality, Granny and Pap took care of her.
One day she spied Granny heading toward the coat on the back door. She saw Granny reach in the left hand pocket,
pull out a tin of snuff, and take a pinch.
Margaret did not say a word, because she had bet on Grand Dad caving
first and did not want to lose her bet. Just a few days later she saw Pap doing his shuffle
walk toward the backdoor. As he passed
through the door Pap deftly lifted a pouch of Redman from the right hand pocket
of the black slicker. Then he shuffled on
to his workshop.
As word of the misdeeds spread, the
majority opinion was that the two were unaware they were using the same hiding
place. What soon followed was the most
interesting and revealing McLamb family meeting ever held. A meeting so epic, it was mentioned on the
Paul Harvey radio show.
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