Starter Sentence Success Story

Each month our group sends out a "starter sentence" and asks that members use that kernel of an idea to jump-start their muse and then write a short piece.  At the same time in late November, the Virginian-Pilot asked for reader submissions on the topic of "gifts that didn't turn out the way they had hoped."  Gina Buzby, multi-tasker that she is, combined the two things and came up with a story about one of her husband's childhood disappointments. She sent the story to the Pilot, and it got picked up!  It appeared, ABOVE THE FOLD, AND WITH ILLUSTRATIONS, on the front page of the Daily Break on Saturday, December 21.  You can read her original submission by clicking here.  As editors are wont to do, they tweaked Gina's story a bit, but the essence of the story is there, and it all started with an EBWG starter sentence.  Congratulations, Gina, on your publishing success!

The Critique Process

The Critique Process

Mary-Jac O’Daniel
December 13, 2013

1.     The critique process

1. Let the author know if this is not your favorite type of story.
2. Write down your impressions as a reader.
3. Try to give feedback on what could be changed.
4. Give examples of improvements.
5. Praise where praise is due.
6. Never criticize the author personally.
7. Critique as you would want to be critiqued.
   
   

2.     Check list

1. Opening
2. Conflict
3. Plot
4. Setting
5. Characterization
6. Dialogue
7. Point of View
8. Show versus tell
9. Format of the text

J.      Grammar and spelling

·  Conflict

1. Is it boring? Something needs to be happening. Conflict is "The mental or moral struggle caused by incompatible desires and aims. That is the kind of conflict that makes stories vitally alive." - Ben Bova in "The Craft of Writing Science Fiction That Sells".
2. Is there emotional conflict WITHIN the main character? Between the main characters? Emotional conflict is part of what gets readers interested. For example: love vs. loyalty; greed vs. duty; fear vs. desire; revenge vs. self-doubt.
3. Are there too many or not enough conflicts?

4.     Is there enough conflict between the characters? Is it expressed through action, dialogue, attitudes, or values?

5.     Every scene needs to have a point!

 

·  Setting

1. Did the author paint an adequate picture of the setting. Could you see the red grape glistening in the sun?
2. Along those lines, was there too much description? Were there distracting cliches?

3.     If the story takes place in the south, does the dialogue and actions of characters fit the setting?

4.     Is the timing and order of events in the story consistent?

·  Characterization

1. Did the people seem real?
2. Were the facts about the characters accurate and consistent?

3.     Did you get a good picture of the culture, historical period, location, and occupation of the main character?

4. Backstory: Were you distracted by too much background information of a character at one time? Did the author seem to dump a lot of information on the background of a character in one or two long speeches, or did we learn about that character here and there in smaller pieces?

·  Dialogue

1. Did the words from the mouths of the people in the story seem consistent with their personalities?
2. Was there too much or not enough dialogue, in your opinion? Usually writers err on the side of not enough dialogue.
3. Did the dialogue seem easy to speak? Can you 'hear' it?
4. In an exchange of conversation, can you easily tell who is speaking if you didn't have their names or gender attached to their sentences?
5. Avoid talking heads.

·  Point of View

1. Did the story skip around between the first person or third person point of view (POV)? Were the changes in POV signaled clearly?
2. When the POV changed, were you able to quickly sense who the new viewpoint was from?

·  Show versus tell

1.     When in the POV of a character, did the author describe what his/her senses showed, e.g., sight, sound, smell, touch, taste? Or did the author just tell you the dinner was very good?

2.     Did the author describe exactly how the people acted?

3.     Were there many instances of words such as "very", "much", "really", "great", or "nice" when a more detailed description would have been more colorful?

 

December Meeting Minutes

East Beach Writer’s Guild
Minutes from the December 13, 2013 Meeting

Meeting called to order at 9:15 at the home of Randi Klein.

Kudos of those in attendance as follows:

o   Mary-Jac—Has been writing/editing 30 minutes a day

o   Mike—The proofs for his new release, The End of Free Will, are in the mail!  He has been learning social media in order to promote. You’ll soon be able to order your copy.

o   Pat—The December starter sentence (be sure and read it…see link at the end of the minutes) helped him move forward with his current WIP, so has put his new project on hold while he returns to his original.

o   Randi—She has self-published a short story “Grandpa’s Glasses” printed on canvas paper as a Christmas gift for her granddaughter.

o   Sally—Showed an advanced copy of Virginia is for Mysteries, (to be released by Koehler Books on January 2, 2014).  It includes her short story, “Best Friends Help You Move the Body.”  A book release will be held January 11, 2014, at the East Beach Sandwich Company where 6 of the 14 contributing authors will be in attendance to sign the book.

New Business:  Congratulations to Mike Owens on his upcoming release! 

Old Business:

o   Books collected for the Toys for Tots are as follows:

Ø  The Screaming Staircase, a Lockwood & Co. adventure, by Johathan Stroud;

Ø  The Very Nearly Honorable League of Pirates, a Magic Marks the Spot book by Caroline Carlson (according to the contributor, you CAN judge a book by its title!);

Ø  Once Upon a Time, Y’all: Southern Origin Stories “How Mister Turtle Got His Shell” and “Why The Mockingbird Has Many Voices” by Lisa C. Ray (accompanied by a wonderfully soft stuffed turtle);

Ø  A Dr. Seuss Board Book collection which included “ABC The Amazing Alphabet Book”, “I’ll Teach My Dog A Lot of Words”, “ The Alphabet Book”, and “Go, Dog. Go!”

Ø  Dr. Seuss’s What Was I Scared Of?;

Ø  If You Give a Mouse a Cookie” by Laur Numeroff;

Ø  Great Illustrated Classic The Secret Garden  by Frances Hogdson Burnett;

Ø  The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain;

Ø  The Nutcracker by E. T. A Hoffman;

Ø  The Call of the Wild by Jack London.

These books will be dropped off at the Toys for Tots bin at the East Beach Porch Walk on Sunday.  Thanks to the generous donations of the EBWG members, there will be lots of smiling faces on Christmas morning!

o   Library Reorganization will take place in early 2014.  More information at the January meeting.

o   Upcoming Meetings:

Ø  January 17  will be our first critique session.  Submit 5 pages in manuscript format (which is double-spaced, Times New Roman 12 pt font, 1 inch margins) to EBWG2013@aol.com (the guild email address) by January 8.  In the interest of time, only the first 5 submissions will be critiqued.  Once submitted, they will be sent to all the members in the group.  Then we’ll each take our pens and, using things that MJ will teach  as part of today’s program, critique the submissions.  Then we’ll bring our critiques to the next meeting and discuss what we thought and share with the author. 

Ø  February 14 - Invited Guest speaker Jim Warren, published author from Northern Virginia, who has written multiple articles for professional magazines.  He is also writing a novel and has a concept for a children's book.  His presentation will be about writing and getting published in magazines.  He is a retired Navy Commander and Gina’s brother.

Ø  March 21—Invited guest speaker Shelia Buff, professional editor and published writer,  http://sheilabuff.com/.

Ø  April 18—second quarter critique session.

Starter Sentence:  This month’s starter sentence was…”The tree we bought smelled great…” 

o   Again, some great submissions!  You can read them at http://eastbeachwritersguild.blogspot.com/p/starter-sentences.html

              For those of you who weren’t in attendance (or forgot them or didn’t do them yet or wrote the wrong month…please send your musings to EBWG2013@aol.com so they can be posted and shared with the world.

o   January Starter Sentence:  “The forecast calls for snow…”  So go on, get writing!

The meeting was adjourned, and the program turned over to Mary-Jac O’Daniel who gave a fabulous presentation on how to critique, and then we did a hands-on critique for practice.  The handout Mary-Jac provided is posted separately on this blog.

Respectfully submitted,

Sally Parrott, writing as Jayne Ormerod

December Meeting

A big thank you to Mary Jac for her presentation on the Critique Process.

Notes on the meeting and critiquing will be posted soon.

Remember, "first come, first served" for critiques in January.  Email your 5 pages (in manuscript form) to EBWG2013@aol.com.

 

November Meeting Notes

East Beach Writers’ Guild
November 14, 2013
Meeting Notes

Present:  Sally, Gina, Randi, Elizabeth, Shelley, Michael, Pat, Jenny, Mary Jac,        Juanita, Siobahn

Welcome and Introductions

New Business:

New Email address:  EBWG2013@aol.com

Meeting Times:  Some Evenings?   The majority were ok with alternating evening times with mornings.  We will try this at some point in 2014.

Upcoming meetings:

o   Friday, December 13^: Editor  - We will hope to have author, Sheila Buff Skype in with information and tips on the critique process.  Google Sheila and Joe Buff – authors.

o   January 17^: Critique session  - the first 5 people who email in their five pages of double spaced, Times New Roman, 1” margin publications before Jan 8^th will be considered for the group critique.

o   February 22: Self-Publishing  - we hope to have an author speak to us on self-publishing.  Perhaps this will be an evening meeting.

o   March 21: Possible Road Trip to Virginia Festival of the Book  Charllottesville. 

o   April 18 (Good Friday…possible change): Critique Session

Toys for Tots:  Bring an unwrapped book to next meeting for donation to Toys for Tots

Starter Sentence:  This month’s starter sentence was, “The turkey was delicious but something tasted funny about the gravy.  Then all of a sudden…”  (See some of the submissions on our Facebook page and/or blog. – Send Randi your sentences completed if you’d like them included). rgklein@verizon.net.

 December Starter Sentence …”The tree we bought smelled great…”

A community service project was recommended…Organizing and cataloging the East Beach library in the clubhouse.  Randi volunteered to lead the project and many others volunteered to help.

 Today’s Program:  Best Writing Advice Ever Learned moderated by Shelley Perry.  Everyone was asked to bring a bit if writing advice they’ve found helpful or inspiring and we’ll share it.   

 Pat – (From a former professor) – Pay attention to the things others are disregarding.  And photos can help remind you of certain places / situations (smells, sounds, etc.)

Michael – Michael had a handout that was very helpful about watching the “Lard Factor” and having too many extra, unnecessary wording. 

Elizabeth – Enjoys observing children and what interests them in order to see what types of books they may like.  She watches and learns.

Sally – “Write every day.” And remember “POV – Point of View” – Think of the character with a movie camera on their head.  And, From Josip Novakovich’s “Writing Fiction Step by Step”:

On the topic of character motivation:  A character does not work in isolation. A wolf in a cage, away from its natural habitat, does not appear to be his natural self—the wolf is without will, has no motive to hunt or roam, and hence does not even look like a wolf but more like a beaten dog. A character in isolation, alone in a room, pretty soon becomes like a wolf in a cage—he becomes solipsistic and depressed. How many interesting stories have you read about highly motivated, exciting and excited characters who stay alone in a room? So don’t spend pages, as some inexperienced writers are wont to do, escorting your lonely character into ever deeper levels of self-consciousness and depression. Instead, take him out to a party or on a date or put him to work at a construction site or send him packing on a trip to some exotic place.

Randi – Sheila Buff told her the best piece of advice: “Ass in Chair” J

Mary Jac – A 74 year old friend told her “Watch your point of view – don’t have 3 different points of view expressed.  Watch your introductory phrases.  “Show don’t tell” and your first draft is just the beginning.”

Gina – “If you read good books, when you write, good books will come out of you.” – Natalie Goldberg

Jenny – Grammarly.com – advice on grammar mistakes and what to avoid.

HOW TO WRITE GOOD…

1.     Avoid alliteration always.

2.    Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

3.    Avoid clichés like the plague. (They’re old hat.)

4.    Eschew ampersands & abbreviations. Etc.

5.    One should never generalize.

6.    Comparisons are as bad as clichés.

7.    Be more or less specific.

8.    No sentence fragments.

9.    Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

10.Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.

11.  And always be sure to finish what

Courtesy of grammerly.com

Juanita – Consider “The Artists Way” a book that is a 12 week workshop toward better creativity.  Including, “morning pages” that encourage you to write every morning – a “mind dump” that creates space to think differently.

Shelley – Consider events like the one she went to at the Columbia Teachers College of Columbia University.  She heard professionals speak and learned a great deal of advice from children’s book authors.

See you at the next meeting, FRIDAY, DECEMBER 13^TH – BRING A CHILDREN’S BOOK!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thanksgiving Story

[Note: Many great "Starter Sentences" for November were shared by the group. Since many of us in the group have military connections, whether by active duty ourselves, our spouses and/or our children, this story by Pat Clark is published here to honor our military veterans and families.  May it remind all of us that there are thousands of American military men and women who are serving around the world away from their homes and loved ones, not only on Thanksgiving, but every day of the year. RGK]

Pat Clark

The turkey was delicious but something tasted funny about the gravy.  Then all of a sudden our surreal warzone, Thanksgiving dinner was interrupted by the distinctive, slow cycling rat-tat-tat of an AK-47 assault rifle followed by the louder, faster return fire of the M-16 from our sentry posted on the Southeast perimeter.   Instinctively, and before I could give the order, protective gear was donned and the soldiers of my unit were rushing to their pre-designated defensive positions behind the concrete fortified outer walls of our forward deployed compound.  We were the forward unit in the “surge” operation on the border between Afghanistan and Pakistan.  This type of harrasment tactics from the Taliban had become routine. 

“There was no way we were going to be left alone on a uniquely American holiday to enjoy this meal and some needed down time.” I thought, as I climbed the dark, narrow and very worn sandstone steps to my position on the second level of the compound.

As commander of this joint U.S. and Afghan unit, I always tried to find the best location possible to observe and direct operations.  Getting high to look down on the skirmish was always advantageous.

 As I was already taking fire, “Second deck is the best I’m going to get.” I said to myself.  “Shit, this is heavier than usual.  What are they thinking?”

“That was good turkey!” 

“Shit, what am I thinking?”

“You gotta hand it to Gen. Osbourne and the boys back at Bagram.” I thought as I crouched behind my cover wall, “While, most of them will be enjoying a nice hot turkey dinner in an air conditioned mess hall and even get a chance to watch the Lions-Packers game on Armed Forces TV, at least they made sure we have turkey.” 

 Through my earpod Cpl martin wisecracked “Lieutenant, I spilled my dinner on the floor when the excitement started.  You think they’ll fly up a replacement?”

 “Let’s keep focused guys.”  I spoke into my shoulder mike.  “These guys are serious.” 

 Then, trying to ease a little of the tension, I said, “If you’re still hungry after this, you can have the rest of mine, I only spilled the beans.”

A few days earlier the general and his staff thought it would be a good idea to flash-freeze and pre-package some turkey dinners and have them delivered to the forward units on Thanksgiving morning.  Pop them in the microwave for a few minutes and our guys would get some good old American comfort food on turkey day.  Along with our mail, the meals were delivered this morning via Blackhawk chopper with two Apache gunships flying air cover.

 “It was a nice gesture.” I thought. “But, I’m not sure they get it back at command.  This is a hellhole.  Hot turkey won’t make these guys feel any better about the where we are.”

Then at 30 deg. relative angle, about 40 meters out, I noticed motion and a definite rifle stock behind a small rock outcropping and some dessert bush.

 “I guess, considering that Gen. Osbourne wasn’t obligated to do anything for us out here, I really can’t complain about funny tasting gravy.” I thought.  “It was after all prepared in bulk.  Not like Mom’s kitchen back in Madison.”

I placed the target in sight, center mass, with my index finger lightly over the trigger.

 “Happy Thanksgiving.” I said softly.

November Meeting Reminder!

Next Guild Meeting

Thursday, November 14

9:00 AM

Bayfront Club Library

Bring your favorite piece of writing advice

 

Coffee will be provided,

but please bring your own mug!

 

 

Starter Sentence

 

"The turkey was delicious,
but something tasted funny about the gravy.
Then all of a sudden..."

October Meeting Notes

East Beach Writers Guild,

 

Thanks to Sally Parrott, for a wonderful meeting today.  It was so very informative. Additionally, thanks to Sally and Randi for providing the

delicious goodies and coffee this morning.  I thought I would type up a synopsis of our meeting for those of you unable to attend, please see below.

And I have also included the updated database.  Please let me know if there are any further corrections.

In attendance:  Mike, Juanita, Jenny, Pat, Randi, Gina, Shelley, and Sally.

Sally called our meeting to order with a brief introduction of her efforts as a writer, her published book, "The Blond Leading the Blond" by Jayne

Ormerod (her nom de plume), her experiences,  etc.  She then explained our goals - listed on our blog.  And she went over our agenda for the morning.

The first order of business was to review the proposed logo that I presented.  We decided on the (attached) logo without the black border.  I

will remove the border and submit that to Randi who will then place it on our social media outlets

We then discussed preferred meeting times and chose 9 am on the third Friday of each month, at the clubhouse.  The exception will be the next meeting in

November.  There were many conflicts present so we chose Thursday, November 14th at 9 am.  We are in the process of confirming the November date and

third Friday dates with Ed Loonam at the clubhouse.  So, you will receive confirmation on the dates very soon.

We discussed expectations of the group: many of us wanting to learn about publishing and perhaps developing some critique sessions.  Our "Starter

Sentence" for next month, if you choose to write two paragraphs, is..."The turkey was delicious but something tasted funny about the gravy.  Then all

of a sudden...".

Sally began her program with a thought provoking exercise, then covered her Top Ten Tips for New Writers.   

 

10) Observe:  Take in scenes, settings, temperatures, aromas, sounds, and absence of these things.  Sit quietly with your eyes closed and use your

senses.  Then, open your eyes and observe with your eyes.  Observe people, their emotions, facial expressions / reactions...their character...anything

out of the ordinary.  Go to the mall, airport, oceanfront, etc.  

9) Question everything.  Who, What, When, Where, Why, How and What if.

What's the worst that can happen and then what's worse than that?  

 

8) Experience:  Don't just write - experience what you're writing about /

your character is experiencing.  Relate to your characters.

 

7) Imagine:  Take that trip in your mind...add in details from your imagined

senses.

 

6) Share: Show and tell in your writing.  It is not always easy to share.

But, when you share your writing, you earn your "writer's badge" and you can

receive constructive criticism and encouragement.  At this time, we share

some of our "Starter Sentence" Homework for Oct.  Some of these will be

added to our blog.

 

5) Define:  Define your writing style and genre.  In order to create a

following and be successful, it is recommended to choose one genre and stick

to it.  At this time, several of us talked about our respective genre(s) for

reading and/or writing.  Mike's book will be published next month!!!!!!

 

4) Learn:  Whether you take a class, read a book on writing /

marketing...self teaching....LEARN. Many local writing groups are helpful.

Sally gave out a handout on various groups.

 

3) Market:  Brand yourself.  Consider the following: Instagram, Tumblr,

Blogs, Twitter, Pinterest, You Tube, Facebook, Goodreads, webpage, etc.

 

2) Read!:  Read a lot...in and outside of your genre.  As you read, study

how it's done successfully (and not so successfully).

 

1) Write!:  Write everyday - for at least 15 minutes.  And no, emails do NOT

count.  Make it a priority.  Carve out the time.

Then, Sally gave us homework in addition to our "Starter Sentence".  She had

asked us to toss out words earlier in the meeting.  She wrote those down and

then asked us to copy them and take them home to write one paragraph

including all of those words.  The words are as follows...

orange

fun

fall

cold

snow

computers

interesting

sand

And we are to bring to the next meeting, one of our own pieces of writing advice.

Our next meeting, is Thursday, Nov. 14th!  

 

Gina Warren Buzby

Professional Artist

www.GinaWarrenBuzby.com